I have always shared my life on the internet. For as long as I can remember, in one way or another, I’ve written about my life online. The internet had always been a bit of a comfort blanket for me as opposed to the hellhole full of trolls that I’ve come to know in the last couple of years.
Since Gavin and I broke up, though, I’ve felt far more vulnerable and the thing that used to empower me has left me feeling very, very naked. And not in a good way, not in a way that makes me want to continue. 2016 has been an extremely turbulent year for me. I left a job that was making me very unhappy, I split with my boyfriend of 7 years, my health took a considerable dip and I moved out of my flat that I’d lived in for 5 years – the longest I’ve ever lived anywhere.
There has been magic, and friendship and even a brief, sweet fling between all of this but ultimately, I’m still healing from this year.
I don’t want to write about myself anymore. Not for a while, anyway. I think I need to retreat into myself, lick my wounds and not pressure myself to write about what I’m going through publicly. I will be okay and I have been doing better and better as time has gone on but honestly, it all feels a lot like high-functioning depression as opposed to actually functioning.
So, in terms of From Abba to Zappa, it’s goodbye for now. Thank you for all of the emails, the messages of support, the tweets, the shares… everything. I’m alone but I’ve never felt lonely and a lot of that has to do with people responding to my writing. It has meant the world and helped me so much more than I could ever tell any of you.
To the future…
2016 has obviously been terrible for most of us. Brexit, Trump, the “alt-right” (fuck off). So many people are feeling disenfranchised and the growth of memes about suicide has been tremendous. Everybody is scared about what 2017 holds. About where things are going.
I’ve bought maketinychanges.co.uk because I want to embrace community support, I want us to help those around us but I also want to empower. I want to find ways to make tiny changes to even just this tiny corner of the world, the internet. I have such big plans but it won’t be live until February.
You can follow me on twitter @sarahvulgaris or sign up to my newsletter to stay in touch and find out more about Make Tiny Changes. I’m really excited about this and hope that it will be the light to come out of all of this darkness. I really hope that those I have helped will continue to be helped by my words. I really hope that we can make the tiniest little difference.
Until then, happy new year