I failed Blogtober. I’m not even sorry. Any time I wasn’t writing, I was drinking wine, I was watching movies, I was on dates, I was not stressing out about not writing for Blogtober. It was a good challenge, and I admire those that got through it but man I’m so done with 30 day challenges.
I saw somebody say today that she’s cutting out Netflix and chocolate in November AND she’s attempting NaNoWriMo. Again, commendable but where do we draw the line? Why are we so consistently determined to suffer? Another one I’ve seen is 30 days of gratitude. I’m a big cheerleader for gratitude and I think recognising what I have to be grateful for has made me a happier, better person but sometimes, like today, I’m not grateful and dude, that’s fine. That’s more than fine!
Despite 2016 being some never-ending hell, despite Brexit, despite the uncertainty of our country’s future, we are still not letting ourselves be pissed off. We’re still going on about embracing mindfulness. We’re still squashing down emotions and trying to out-perfect ourselves. Enough. I can’t watch it any more guys. It’s been a tough old year, we need to be more gentle on ourselves.
Give yourself a break! TREAT. YO. SELF.
If you insist on doing a 30 day challenge, might I suggest my one. That I just made up.
- Be angry. Feel. Scream. Whatever, just let it all out. Fuck it. Don’t harm anyone, obviously.
- See that dickhead? The one that has been pissing you off for months? The one who makes you fake-smile so hard you think your cheeks might blow up? Have a good ol’ rant about them. A big rant. Let it allllll the fuck out. I know, right? Why do they sneeze SO LOUDLY?!
- Cancel plans. You didn’t want to go. They know, deep down, you don’t want to go. Just cancel them and basque in the sweet relief that this brings.
- Okay, just for some “posi vibes”, buy yourself that thing. The thing you keep going back to. The thing that has been following you around the internet since you first went on the page. Buy it. You won’t spend that money on anything else worthwhile.
- Have you earned that nap? Who fucking cares? Nap. Should you really be napping when you could be doing more productive things? Who cares? Nap.
- It’s Sunday. You had a takeaway on Friday, you were out last night so really, you’ve met your calorie limit for the week. But that means nothing, it’s Sunday, they’re depressing. Get the pizza you’re craving. If you’re going for pizza, you may as well go all out. Don’t offend your own senses by getting low-fat pizza.
- Trying to listen to music that is refined and looks cool when people spy on your Spotify? Stop. Listen to whatever. Why are you even ashamed of the music you listen to? Fuck what other people think, music is there to be enjoyed. Just enjoy it. Everybody loves Bieber these days anyway.
- Been meaning to unfollow somebody on Twitter but don’t want to cause drama? Fuck the drama, unfollow them. Treat yourself to a less infuriating feed.
- You have been meaning to read that book and yeah, we all should be reading more but just this once… Watch your tacky show. You love it. That’s all that matters.
- Fall asleep looking at your phone. It’s bad for you but so is capitalism and here we are.
- Fancy skipping the gym? GO FOR IT. I’m proud of you for your resilience against that sweaty hellhole. Just think, you won’t have to watch a bunch of insufferable LADS take over machines tonight because you’re not going to the gym.
- Can the dishes reaaaallly be put off til tomorrow? Yup. Do it.
- Fuck it, ignore them today too. It’s Sunday.
- Treat yourself for doing the dishes by going to that thing you weren’t sure if you could justify. Here is your justification.
- Go to a park, enjoy what’s left of Autumn, embrace nature and take some selfies because damn, you look cute today. Embracing nature and your beauty do not need to be mutually exclusive. Also, there will be dogs and it is nothing short of an outrage if you don’t take photos of the dogs for your friends.
- No, you really don’t want to go to the Christmas party. So don’t say you will. Just don’t go. Your colleagues shouldn’t have to put up with your eye-rolling but more importantly, your eyes are vital and should not be rolled as much as they inevitably will be at the Christmas do.
- Go to the cinema alone. It will maybe make you feel a little more wholesome, independent, mindful but it will definitely ensure that you don’t have somebody nudging you every time something funny/remarkable/shocking happens.
- What a hellish week eh? Have a wee cry. We all love a wee cry, it’s fine.
- Have a big bubble bath. No need for it to be Lush products, just a big bath. Listen to a podcast you love. Go for a nap after it because post-bath naps are the best. Don’t even bother getting changed, just flop down in your towel for an hour or so. Four hours. Whatever. You do you.
- Anything you think you can’t justify in your weekly shop, here is your justification: TREAT. YO. SELF. Those cookies are not going to eat themselves.
- You do need to get round to watching Stranger Things. Everybody says it’s the best show, ever, but y’know what? Why not watch your favourite show that you’ve already seen 30 times? You’re not ready to start a new series and that’s cool.
- It’s not December yet and everybody is berating you for ‘already’ watching Christmas movies. Fuck them. Love, Actually is a classic and can be watched multiple times between now and Christmas. Watch the movie. Regardless of when you start celebrating Christmas, “To me, you are perfect”.
- That champagne that’s saved for a special occasion? That occasion is today! Congratulations! I’m so thrilled for you! Enjoy your mid-week drinks!
- Don’t look at the news today. Have a day off. Give your brain a day off. Watch some kitten cam videos.
- She said what!? Who cares? Have a nice day of not acknowledging anything outrageous on social media. Other people will chime in. You don’t need to. Treat yourself.
- Last Saturday of November can only mean one thing – TREAT YO SELF SATURDAY. You’re going to be stressed about Christmas for the next few weekends so this weekend, do nothing
- I meant nothing.
- Remember when that person was not as much of a dick as they are now? You’ve been meaning to talk to them about it for, ooh, two years maybe? Cut them out. Cut them loose. You don’t need this stress.
- Feeling pretty proud of something you’ve done recently? Tell people! Embrace their compliments and stop feeling like you ought not to be so ‘showy’. Be as showy as you want, babe, you worked hard on this. Or you didn’t. Who cares, you still pulled it off.
- PAYDAY. TREAT YO SELF. Buy that relative that not-so-secretly hates you something a little less expensive this year and spend the remainder on YOU.