I honestly never thought I’d laugh at who I was when I was fifteen but it turns out, my Livejournal was almost too good to be true and once I remembered the password, I couldn’t not laugh and share it. It’s been 10 years. I’ve grown. I’m a better person now. I’m well-adjusted. I’m no longer ’emo’. Well, I am. But I’m the grown up version that can only be identified by fellow old emos.
June 18th, 2005
I don’t even know where to start. Pink background with rainbow paragraphs? Jesus Christ. Not to mention needless, NEEDLESS text talk. Text talk was all the rage 10 years ago so I’ll give myself a bit of leeway I guess. I wasn’t texting, or even on a phone but okay.
I actually remember this day, and it was pretty awkward. All of the ‘alternative’ kids sat at one lunch table together so even if there was beef, we sat together. It was pretty intense. That being said, blogging about the problem probably didn’t help.
Stevie is one of the boyfriends I really cringe at. He was obsessed with Jesus, and thought music wasn’t for him because he was straight. His words. Ugh. Anyway, nobody thought our relationship was fake. Nobody fucking cared! But hey look, the guy came and visited me so he was clearly something of a hero. A whole bus journey. Whoa.
June 21st, 2005
“Woke up to find a text off stevie sayin that he was particulary upset about a conversation we’d had the night before. All I said was I felt a bit used n asked if we could go slower n he seemed kwl but then he said he couldnt think straight… I mean! huh?!
Anyway… that resulted in me feelin a bit low but I went in2 maths n got cheered up by Myles lol hes jus so… lkike… mad!lol, went to txt stevie 2 apologise 4 makin him feel tht way n ma teacher caught me godamn bastard.!!”
This is a bit sad. Stevie really wanted us to have sex and I really, really didn’t. I just wasn’t there, and I was pretty grossed out at the thought if I’m honest. So when he tried to talk me into it again, I told him that I wanted us to go slower and he told me the next day that I had upset him. I was fairly naive and extremely sensitive so this really threw me off for the entire day. I felt absolutely terrible and so guilty.
I’m so glad the teacher caught me because I ended up being dumped for not ‘caring enough’ about Stevie to reply. Thank you maths teacher, you old Tory bastard. Stevie got back with me a couple of weeks later, but before we’d had a chance to be reunited under the stars, I was dumped again so that he could go to God camp. I’m really not joking. He ended up going to my friend’s school in Liverpool to talk about religion and why they should accept God. Sigh.
June 29th, 2005
Got up at 11, watched some tv n then I checked over ma mum’s application form for her n then came on this :p
Anyway troopz am away, I got to get packed n ready goin 2 liverpool for 2 days
catch yeez. ;)”
I honestly don’t know why my mum asked me to check over her application when I was clearly not the most intelligent. Nobody loves you like your mother does, eh?
‘Troopz’?!!? TROOPZ?! If you haven’t heard me actually speak, you might not understand what makes this so intensely fucking funny but TROOPZ?! Then ‘catch yeez ;)’ what the actual fuck, Sarah?! Apart from the fact that I was talking like a standard Yahoo! Messenger bam, I never, ever said those words out loud. I would have been laughed at. I’m not sure I even know how to say yeez. It just doesn’t suit my voice. Fucking hell I’m cringing. This is why I had no friends.
July 5th, 2005
When I was younger, I wanted to be an actress, it was my absolute dream and I thought I was the best at it in the world. I dont have that dream anymore, I want to be a journalist, in the media.
Last night when I was in my bed, I realised that I’m an actor already, when I’m sad I act like I’m happy although I’m not, not to everyone, just a lot of people.
I remember this as well. I really thought it was an epiphany. Deep man, deep.
July 23rd, 2005
So I gots home after just about dodging the police coz the stupid dafty who lives above me told them I was drunked. I also told him he rocked =S but he doesnt. Like at all. So yeh! home, right, got in and gave my mum a hug =/ and gave her my starburst =/ then sat on the couch and babbled some shit to my mum about Cheryl sayin she didnt like me an oh yeh pml I called her a ned last night and she started screamin that she wasnt a ned /=]. Yeh! home dammit! then I went on pc, spoke 2 a few people then my mum said she needed to talk to me so… I went in2 Kitchen n she asked if I’d been drinkin and I told her the truth, it was kinda obvious anyway, I could just about walk so she told me 2 sign off msn n go to bed with some water.
This is from the first time I got drunk. It’s a really long post that I didn’t think needed to be entirely shared. The guy upstairs doesn’t rock ‘like at all’ but I clearly fucking did, as we’ve learned. I don’t know who the Cheryl in question is but I’m sorry she had to deal with the absolute state I was in after drinking vodka straight from the bottle. When I finally stumbled into the house, I handed my mum sweets and told her I loved her in front of people so even if I wasn’t so blatantly hammered, I was a real cause for concern. I’m glad she was as patient as she was with me that night because I was an absolute fucking riot. I did get grounded for the rest of the summer, though which didn’t rock. Like, at-all.
I’ll leave it there for now but I hope you enjoyed this absolute cringe-fest!