A couple of years ago, my friends and I decided that we’d take a shot for every time somebody posted Death Cab for Cutie – The New Year on Hogmanay. Guys, if you’re reading this, and you understood the reference – the rule still stands. Sorry.
So, it’s 2018. 2017 passed in a bit of a wild blur for me, I think any kind of happiness was mildly clouded by the chronic pain that I struggled with throughout the year. I still feel like I’m on pause until I’m treated but as that is hopefully around the corner, I’m more hopeful for 2018.
A friend said to me a couple of weeks ago “I want you to be doing good, and to not be giving Sarah-Louise a hard time” and that’s my goal for 2018. Focus more on happiness and stop being so hard on myself.
Thank you for all being so supportive in 2017, happy new year. X
— Sarah-Louise (@sarahvulgaris) December 31, 2017
I spent a lot of 2017 apologising and excusing myself. I felt that I needed to justify every aspect of who I was – right down to my writing. I was published once last year. I barely even tried. I couldn’t justify to myself, in my head, why my writing was more important than somebody else’s. I couldn’t rationalise putting my work out there. Not only was it my work, it was my taste in films, music, my opinions. I just lost all confidence.
In 2018, I’m going to try to get off my own back. I have resolutions, that I’ve shared with those close to me but my main goal for 2018 is just being kinder to myself and realising that my feelings, my words, my work all have worth even if I don’t always feel like they do.
In 2018, I’ll be following the words of the wonderful Carrie Fisher:
“Stay afraid, but do it anyway. What’s important is the action. You don’t have to wait to be confident. Just do it and eventually the confidence will follow.”
It’s how I’ve lived my whole life up until now. Time to get back to being unapologetically myself.
Happy new year.