Imagine me jazzing onto my blog like Thomas Jefferson in Hamilton when he returns to America. If that is lost on you, just picture me awkwardly doing jazz hands.
From Abba to Zappa has been my longest-running blog, ever. I’ve had countless LiveJournal, WordPress, Blogger, etc accounts since I was 12 years old(!) but this is the one that’s stuck. Which is funny because it’s mostly purposeless. I’ve never had a set goal with it, never a theme and until last week, I didn’t even have Google Analytics on it. For years this has been my place to dump writing now and then but nothing more.
But now, at a strangely transitional, tiring, place in my life, From Abba to Zappa feels more like home than ever before.
In March, I was supposed to be operated on to have a fibroid partially removed and the rest shrunk. This was going to be the plan because fibroid surgery can be very risky and I still haven’t had children. Once this was done, that was going to be it. I was finally, 2.5 years after my first complaint, going to be cured. To top it off, once I was recovered I was starting a new job. Finally, my life was going to get better and so was I.
The planned treatment didn’t go ahead. I still have the fibroid. I am still ill.
In August I was told that I’d still have to wait around another 6 months for actual fibroid removal. Fuck me. I knew it wasn’t going to be good news but after waiting 5 months between appointments, it was the kind of blow I just didn’t need. In between, there’ll be a temporary menopause. I have laughed over the sheer frustration and absurdity of this mess many, many times. I’ve lost the latter half of my twenties to this arsehole fibroid the same way I lost my late teens and early twenties to endometriosis.
I felt like my doctor had told me my life was on hold for a bit longer and arguably, it really is. I figured next year will be my year (… please?) but until then, I’m screwed.
In the words of Rebecca Bunch “can’t stop the self-pity ’cause I’m on a roll”.
Now, though, the self-pity has surpassed.
Yes, I can’t go on holiday for a while, I can’t go the gym, I can’t really sit or stand for long periods of time and yes, my uterus is a nightmare. But what I can do is write. What I’ve always done, no matter what, is write. If I can find some good in all that’s going on, if I can provide information, resources and support to anyone in mine or a similar situation through creativity, it won’t have all felt like a waste of time.
I have so much I want and love to talk about. I have missed blogging. I’ve missed writing.
So hey, I’m back. It’s nice to be back. I’ve new categories and posts in all of them.
Please, look around, make yourself at home, say hello and please let me know what you think.
P.S. Do you like my new branding courtesy of Bobby Anderson? Me too! Ahh!